Dear Mr. Paulson,

To Mr. Paulson, and other members of the U.S. Treasury,

I am writing you today to request a personal bailout. At this time I have accrued a decent amount of assets, but not enough to reimburse certain debts.

I am writing today as a private entity necessary to the functioning of American society to request a special printing of $10,000,000 U.S. to be sent to me as soon as possible.

I need this bailout so I can get the hell out of America before your guys sell it to the highest bidder.

Please feel free to allocate extra funds to pay for my travels, and room and board while getting the hell out of dodge. I only see these expenses ranging from $100,000- $250,000.

Thank you for your time and urgent attention in the matter,


Citizen John Eaton